Thursday, June 26, 2008

The Vagaries of Writing

A letter to my Critique Partner
Dear Estelle Harte,
sounds like a good day.
My day sucked..well, kind of.
I had a really good morning. and wrote some really cool stuff.
[d-it] i'm getting mad thinking about it again.

at some point, midday, the computer shut down, on its own, like it was possessed or hated me.
I logged back in, a little worried that my Word recovery wasn't going to work [that's tyical for my program--pisses me off]. Well, Alleluia, I had my recovered document. Only the damn thing was unresponsive. The program kept thinking and thinking and thinking. I had to reboot. [and of course, now I kick myself and think, should I have waited???????] on the second startup, no recovery. no document. Grrrrrr. i did a search for .tmp thinking. the damn thing says that it's saving even when I don't hit save. every so many minutes it autosaves. but no! there isn't a temp document anywhere! Actually, there are temp docs but nothing from yesterday.

I hate recreating stuff. IT NEVER WORKS! And it was really good. it was a scene that i'd done some revisions on already and I liked it, alot. Now it's gone and last night i tried to put it back together but I'm not going to be able to. I'm going to have to wipe the slate clean and start new. So I read my story up to that point hoping that it would flow from there. My mind was too occupied with the freaking angry at my computer and its incompetence feelings. OH. it just makes me so mad! WHy?! WHY?! Why does my computer do this?! Why did I not save? I always save! this has happened enough that I'm really good about saving! Why was my guard down?! today, i'm putting notes up everywhere. post its, legal size, crochet and cross stitch.
SAVE! SAVE! at every page break, every pause, every line...

the anger might be too great to try to work today as well. i think i'll look at your nine. right? i think that's where I left off. i'll check. must be that anger induced fugue state. i'm having moments of blank spots. LOL. <--see, I can laugh about it.



  1. Oh Bethanne, that really really sucks. And I feel your pain.

    I've done something similar more than once and felt like the biggest idiot every mad. I took a few days away from it to cool off, then I re-wrote it. It may not be as good as what I wrote the first time, but it's probably closer than I think...and the same goes for you.

    I notice with GOL that I'll think I need to add something into a chapter, so I write what I imagine to be new material, but then read on in my draft to a part I haven't looked at since November, and then I find almost exactly what I just wrote thinking it to be new. Our subconscious stores more of our ideas than we think it does. :)

    Your rewrite, when you feel up to it, will be good.

    I'm so sorry, and I know you're furious at the computer and yourself. It'll be okay though... Just breathe, take a little break, and go back to it when you're ready. One the far'll actually be funny. :)

    And you can always vent to me about anything. :) In an e-mail, blog letter, or phone call. Hang in there and do something fun just for yourself today. :)


  2. Eeek. I don't even know what to say really, other than I've lost stuff like that, too. And, like you, it seems that it always happens when I've written something I'm really happy with. So...hugs. I hope your memory is good to you and I hope today is tons better than yesterday. :)

    Love the idea of writing to Estelle like this, too. ;)

  3. I've done this more than once, or twice. And it really is frustrating. Even the most careful of us have lost info. (I've got my flash drive in my pocket, not that i can use it right now, but just sayin.)

    But you can either dwell on it or get back into it. Good will happen if you try. And I know you can get something even better. If not, just write crap until the good stuff comes. And it will.

  4. :) estelle. Thanks. I've made muffins and I may read. I'll probably do a bit of work during quiet time...but who knows? LOL

  5. Damn Thing!!! Well I hope your day gets better! Have a Good one!


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