Saturday, March 17, 2012

Being the Oldest -- SWEET AGE of 35 [for Saturday's sake]

It's going to sound like I wrote this before bed last night...that's cuz I did!

My husband joined the military after we'd been married for 12 years. I think that's why we handled the transition so well. The separation didn't seem that big a deal like it did to some of the younger, less certain wives and girlfriends. My soldier and I had already been through more than a lot of couples--seven relocations,  five kids, three pink slips, welfare, arguments, mistakes...and lots of love--enough that I knew joining the Army would be a breeze. If you've been married or with your significant other as long as I have, you probably know what I'm talking about. 

It's what happens when you're confident in yourself. I don't question who I am or if I'm replaceable. 

Sooo, my crazy-butt issue this week [because, yes...i'm a woman, and I still have issues, even if I'm confident] is that I don't think I fit in very well. Maybe this isn't such a bad thing. Maybe it doesn't matter that I'm more than 10 years older than most of the wives associated with my husband's class [he's still in school/training], but that's how it feels to me right now. I'm older...

I'm OLD! 

I'm not hip, like other ladies.
I'm not stylish.
I don't give a crap about Target.
My kids sometimes wear clothes that are stained or NOT cute.
My hair isn't straight.
I'll never drive a new car.
I don't give a crap about Starbucks.
Living in a neighborhood with a homeowners association might kill me.

I don't fit in very well...

And right now, I just want to cry because my son has to wear these stupid braces on his feet. And after putting them on for the first time today, I pretended to be upbeat about them and encouraging but mostly I was just so stinking mad and disappointed and sad. They don't even have a hinge of some sort at the back of the heel! How is he supposed to walk "better" if there's no movement there? if he can't stand on his toes? if he can't extend and contract those muscles like he's supposed to? And I just hated it... because it was just one more thing that makes him different from his peers. He's never going to fit in either!

All of this... and maybe we're better off BECAUSE we don't fit in, but somedays that's harder to accept. This is one of those days, I guess.

I think I need chocolate...
Or wine...
both of which I have.

So, I don't care that this blog post has the feel of a cliffhanger. I'm going to sign out and dry my tears and go watch Knight Rider. 

Take care good friends.
With Love
Bethanne


8 comments:

  1. Ah, yes, I could write an epic-length autobiography covering the ups and downs of not fitting in. It has its costs, but I don't know how else to be.

    Suffice it to say that I have survived in this state for probably longer than the combined ages of you AND your son. Tell him to hang in there!

    Also, please don't say you're old at 35; there are two reasons.
    1. You're quite attractive for being 35, especially with 5 children. And that's all I'm going to say, partly due to discretion, and mostly due your husband being in the military, quite possibly a trained killer, and I don't wish to die for saying something improper to his wife.
    2. If you're old at 35, I'll have to start checking myself for signs of decay. Not a pleasant thought. Besides, I'll have to undo all those mummy wrappings. Such a nuisance.

    Back to the original subject - people who don't fit in make very good characters for stories. I'm starting on one myself on that line. And, due to the effect of you and some of the other romance writers I've been reading about on their blogs, it's going to be a teen romance / coming-of-age story - the LAST thing I ever thought I'd write. I'm more of a speculative fiction sort of guy. I'll have to see if I can make it work - once I find the time to write it.

    Oh, well, I've prattled on long enough. And I think I have to take some clothes out of the dryer anyway. I'm sure the world wanted to know that...

    C-YA

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    Replies
    1. I love 35!! I'm guessing I'll love 45, too. So you're right. I'm not old. I just feel old around some of these much younger wives... who have young husbands, too. :D

      Did you check behind your ears??? :D :D
      Go for it! Write that teen romance. Even if you do nothing with it, you'll broaden your horizons and learn more about writing. I should do a speculative fiction... but first I better google what that is. :D

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    2. Also, Thank you for your compliments. :) I know that beauty from the inside is more valuable, but it's also reassuring to get the outer beauty compliments as well!

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  2. The hard part about writing "young adult" fiction is finding a believable situation where they don't spend the entire story texting each other. Sorry kids, but what can I say... "I'm going to force you kids to interact with the real world if it's the last thing I do!" said Avery in a pompous tone.

    I think I've found a situation that works, but I do wonder if younger readers will think, "Why didn't he/she just send him/her a text / post it on Facebook / send a Tweet/ or do something via whatever the newest technology might be?" With these technologies changing so rapidly, I don't want to have the story so entwined with it that it only appeals to those from a very limited period.

    Speculative fiction is a pretty broad area. I tend to go with having characters interact within the framework of an unusual situation for which there is no apparent rational or logical explanation. ( This would be like many of my real-world romances. Please don't ask for details. ;) ) This may appear within the confines of a normal situation that could be considered fairly uninteresting, such as the daily life of a soccer mom, or a man looking for work. But there's a lot of other directions to go. Some people just take a story and say, "What if this happened instead?"

    P.S. I tried to send this several times, but Blogger seemed to be having problems, so I'm not sure what you'll see at your end...

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    Replies
    1. Two words, Avery.
      Time Travel. hahaha. :D

      It's true though, modern technology plays such a huge role in our lives, young people's lives. What a line to walk. :( What a crappy commentary on our life! LOL :D

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  3. I've never really fit in! Even when we were a newly married couple, we didn't drink and therfore were never invited anywhere. Then when we got a little older it was because we didn't have kids. Now the hubby went from enlisted to officer, and I REALLY don't fit in with these 20 year olds! And, I work full time. Even though I have so many factors against me, I'm usually able to find at least one Army wife that I can connect with. Don't lose hope!

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    Replies
    1. Thanks Mary!
      That's me, too. My husband joined late and went through officer school with lots of young guys. :) They like to call him Pops or equally hilarious nicknames. LOL :D He doesn't mind cuz he can keep up or out do. I'm looking forward to our first PCS because I believe you are right... I ought to be able to find a coffee drinking buddy no matter where I go!

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  4. I understand being the 'old' one around all the wives and husbands who just got out of diapers, or at least high school. Though, I've never really felt old. Good thing since I've got a lot of years left for that.

    We all have our moments of needing a break. Whether it's a wine and chocolate break, or a break down. I've had a few such moments recently. My husband and I have a four year old daughter, and he's been home a whopping four months in the last two years. It's hard on her which makes it hard on me.

    Keep your chin up, drink the wine, eat the chocolate, and get right back on the horse. You're human, and you're a mom, there is nothing greater than that, even on the bad days. You know that already. Lol.

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