Friday, April 20, 2012

Proud and Disappointed at the same time

This might get a tad long...... [why is it, when someone says that, you know there's a rant coming?!]

But first, I had a few proud moments this week.
1) my son got reader of the year award for the Pre-K thru 2 category...for the entire school district. Wow! Way to go kiddo. He's a kindergartner who reads at a second grade level. Nice job!
2) at my other son's Boy Scout meeting this week, the Troop leader came over to me, confirmed I was his mother then proceeded to rave about what a great job my son had done on the camp-out the previous weekend. "He was the first to pitch in and get things done...and he knew what he was doing, too. From putting up a tent to cooking." So proud of him for taking camping [and all his dad has taught him] seriously, and having fun, too.
3) A couple of weeks ago, my daughter came home with an assignment I needed to sign for...a volunteer project. She told me she had a friend and they were going to go to a nursing home and volunteer. I admit, I was wary...sounded like a lot of work for me! They're only kids(13yo). Are they really going to find somewhere to go? Make arrangements? Get it done? At the least, I knew I was going to be doing an added amount of running around, not to mention that I'd only be lucky if the other girl's parents were willing to give as much as I would have to... that wasn't a statement about the parents. I didn't know them...yet. As a matter of fact, that was my Cynical Nature coming out. Here comes the proud part... they did it. My daughter spoke to the counselor at school, made arrangements with a nursing home and reported that they needed to go to the facility for orientation the next day. They picked a day and decided they would go in on Saturday.

Awesome! Really proud of her. She's getting so grown up and responsible. And she knows what's right... and I can tell because she called me this evening.

And this is where the disappointment comes in...

Because when I asked her about when they were going over to the Nursing Home in the morning she informed me that her friend hadn't liked going there and thought it was "freaky." But her friend's friend [or was it sister? I was too irritated by then to recall now] had a Special Olympics event going on tomorrow too and they were going to do that instead.

Really. Uh, no. Okay, I flipped a little at first. Did she really think I was going to let her go who knows where with who knows who to do who knows what? Not to mention the fact that she'd already made a commitment to something else. I'd signed my name to the form! Seriously. This other girl's parents were okay with this? She could just back out because..."old people are freaky?" I reminded my daughter that these people were God's people and that it might be a little uncomfortable and that it took some getting used work with the elderly, but that she was going. She'd made the commitment...I'd signed the project slip from school that this is what she was doing.

My daughter did not fight it...she knew it was coming. Maybe she hoped for a different outcome. I suppose I don't blame her.

But I do blame that girl's parents. I sent my daughter to their house because this is what they had planned to do in order to get their project done... on the other hand, I'm getting the idea that I'm the only one who thought she was going there so they could "DO THEIR PROJECT." I conceded to picking her up at NOON...Noon! They had another friend over as well. Not just Virginia and this girl. I think I'll just show up at about 11:30.

I feel like shaking those parents...don't they know they are going to be OLD? And then what? They're going to roll around in their wheelchairs and bitch at the wall in front of them that no one comes to see them and young people just don't respect their elders and young people have no sense of commitment...

Kids today are not help accountable.
Not to sound self-righteous or anything...but mine are and will be held accountable. When they say they are going to do something, they will do it. Even if it's harder than they expected it would be.


  1. Just one more reason why you are an excellent mother. :)

  2. I totally think you're in the right here, Bethanne. I don't want to start on a crazy-mom-lady rant here, but I think most of the problems in our society (bullying, drugs, I could go on and on) can be attributed to parents not teaching responsibility and accountability.

  3. I was reading your post and kept coming back to this paragraph...

    My daughter did not fight it...she knew it was coming. Maybe she hoped for a different outcome. I suppose I don't blame her.

    Now, only you know your daughter and how she reacts, and I wasn't there to hear what she said to you (and how). But I was wondering if she might not have felt comfortable with her decision to go with her friends instead of to the nursing home, and called you first to get an excuse to do the right thing.

    It's hard to say to friends, "I don't want to go with you." Peer pressure seems to be worse today than when I was young, perhaps because kids can keep in such close touch with everyone. But if her Mom says she has to go to the nursing home, she saves face with her friends, and still honors her obligations. Which was maybe why she didn't fight your instructions.

    It appears that she went to a lot of trouble to set up this nursing home project, so it sounds like it was something she really wanted to do.

    And I do wonder what the other girl told her parents...

    Anyway, I hope things work out!

    1. AVery, you could very well be right! As a matter of fact, at about 10pm, she called home, said she wasn't feeling well and had a low grade fever. I felt a little bad for her because I wanted to be able to go get her. But I couldn't. I had two extra boys at my house--friends from down the street--and I'm single parenting it this week. I asked her if she felt safe. three times, actually. She seemed confident that she just needed to get some sleep, so I told her she could take some motrin and that I'd come get her, probably around 10am. It was 9:15 when I showed up.

      Her enthusiasm continued through Sat and into the volunteer job, so I agree with you. She needed an easy way to save face and fight that peer pressure. And I will give it to her, every time. Peer pressure sucks... if she needs me to be her out at this point. I'm there for her. Hopefully my example will help her understand HOW--in the future--she can stand up for what's right and her own desires. :D Thanks Avery!

  4. Kudos to you for holding your daughter accountable and teaching your kids responsibility. I agree with Lori's comment. Too many parents either don't care, or just don't want to do the hard parenting stuff. I also think Avery made some good points about why your daughter did not argue when you put your foot down. I hope she had a good day volunteering, and learned something along the way!

  5. That is unfortunate. And if people think old people are freaky, they should volunteer at my work. A "home" is preschool in comparison, but I still enjoy working with them. :)

    Glad to see you stepping up to parenthood.


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